i had a really bad jonah day (anne of avonlea reference there) last wednesday...woke up on the wrong side of bed, hormonal (too much information?), cranky...the whole deal. the whole day i was on edge, and then i kinda snapped at a doctor i'm working with in the afternoon (to my defense, though i know it doesn't justify what i did, he was condescending and abrasive) and that made me feel horrible. i wasn't able to apologize to him 'cuz i had to take off for my evening class, which went okay. then, eunice invited me to see a free screening of the last samurai at paramount, and since it had been a bad day, i figured i needed a little treat, even though i really needed to study. so i went to see it, but the way it works is that for security reasons, you have to check in at the gate and the security guard has to give you a pass. so i get there in good time for the showing, and end up sitting in the driveway waiting for the security guards to let us in for 15 minutes. it's not a long driveway, and there were only two cars ahead of me. they opened up another lane, too, and that was going fine...i think at least ten cars passed before one of the two cars in front of me was let through...murphy's law...the line i chose took forever. so the first ten minutes, i was okay. i told myself, i've been in a crappy mood all day, i'm not going to continue, and i'm going to see a movie...a nice treat, right? then, when i was one car away and it was still taking forever, i couldn't help it...i started getting annoyed...pissed, is more like it. yup, that's me...i have a short fuse when i'm cranky. so i finally get in, and i see eunice, esther kim, kevin and kenny in the theater and i'm still not quite over it, so they saw the vestiges of frustrated evelyn. i don't like seeing frustration in other people, especially over things that can't be helped, so i felt pretty gross...i didn't like that they saw that in me. i calmed down before the movie, so i was able to enjoy it, but i had to really repent on my way home...
i'm admitting this because i feel like i've been cranky for the past few weeks. even hormones can't really explain it...it's been much worse than it usually is. and i hate myself when i'm like this...so i think the solution, beyond my needing major sanctification, is to cut back a little on my schedule. i've already decided to drop one of my classes, and i'm going to cut down on my hours at jwci...superwoman i am not!