i talked to a coupla people that i thought were my only faithful blog-readers, but i realized that they don't really read it...in which case, i guess i only have one person reading this blog regularly. dang, my blog must be really, really boring..oh well.
i do have something interesting to share, and i'll try to keep it short, but i realize that the reason why i get wordy is 'cuz i tend to try to give a good amount of background 'cuz i'm not sure if i'm getting my story across well...which is why i go on and on like i am now.
anyways, at the beginning of the month (oooh, you know this is gonna be a long one), i got letter from my friend in the mail, along with my toyota bill. for some reason, i decided to tackle the toyota bill first...i've been paying extra every month, so it showed that i was paid up until may of 2004. because things have been a little tight for the holidays, i thought about it and decided to forgo paying this month to give me a little extra for next quarter's tuition. i then opened my friend's letter, which was a support letter for a winter missions trip. i can't explain it, but i suddenly got this urge to write a check for the amount that i would normally send for my car payment, which is a substantial amount of money...but it was such a strong feeling that i felt i should do it. i wrote the check and put it in the envelope, but i was still wrestling with it for a little bit...until i just told myself that i was sending it, and that was that...i mailed it and almost forgot about it for the next few weeks. so on christmas eve, our family opened presents, and my mom gave me some cash. i kinda put it aside and didn't really think about it. the next day, we went to my dad's church, and during the service, they usually hand out presents to the staff and other volunteers that help out. last year, they got me a sweater, so i was wondering if they would do it again this year...i was hoping they wouldn't, but then, i wasn't sure what to expect. they ended up handing out envelopes to most of the volunteers, and i was one of the first to get mine. anyways, i didn't open it until i got home, but it was...you guessed it...a card (some of the students signed it)...and cash. when i looked at it, all of sudden i realized that that amount, added with what my mom gave me the night before, was exactly how much i sent for my friend's mission trip...i'm not much of a crier, except when i'm watching movies, but i sat there and cried. it was such an unexpected gift...something that He didn't even have to do and that was completely undeserved...i have a hard time putting into words what i felt at the time...a mixture of unworthiness and love...shame in thinking that i struggled over giving money that is not mine, but His...awe in His grace and provision.